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User talk:OreoDaDino
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The 3 Dolls page. Please be sure to read all of the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. You can also read some of the best stories our wiki has to offer by checking out Suggested Reading. Finally, you can check out stories written by authors of the wiki in User Stories. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! ClericofMadness (talk) 18:51, September 19, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:03, September 19, 2019 (UTC) There were widespread capitalization, punctuation, wording, and plot issues (mainly involving pacing, description, and plot holes) which resulted in your story failing to meet our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 13:15, September 24, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 15:01, September 24, 2019 (UTC) HopelessNightOwl (talk) 18:55, September 24, 2019 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:00, September 24, 2019 (UTC) Ok I wont mess up my page my page... :It's only your page in the sense that it's assigned to you. You can do whatever you want with your user page within certain limitations, since that really is "your page", but talk pages are different. Talk pages belong to the wiki itself, not the users to whom they are assigned. This is all reflected in the Talk Page Rules. :HopelessNightOwl (talk) 19:13, September 24, 2019 (UTC) oh ok oof Re: Story As I stated above on your talk page: There were widespread capitalization, punctuation, wording, and plot issues (mainly involving pacing, description, and plot holes) which resulted in your story failing to meet our quality standards. Capitalization issues: There are times when you forget to capitalize proper nouns and miss-capitalize words in the middle of sentences. "i’m (I'm) gonna be leaving for a while", "The laptop then blacked out and turned back on to the video, It (it) was the same as the first time I watched it.", etc. Punctuation issues: A majority of your dialogue is missing punctuation or using it improperly. "“Well it still works(comma missing)” I said.", "“Maybe its (sic) a video to say that he is leaving(comma missing)” I thought.", Punctuation issues cont.: You also forget to include proper punctuation when introducing dialogue. "He said(,/:) “Hey Drew", "He sighed(punctuation missing) “I can pay all of it when I get back.”", "I thought to myself(,/:) “I can do that for him.”", etc. Wording: it's=it is, its=possession. “Maybe its (it's) a video to say that he is leaving”. There's also a lot of redundancy and repetition here. "One of my clients, Casey, was my best client (redundant)", "Casey didn’t pay his rent on time. I thought that was kind of weird but I gave him another day to pay it. He still didn’t pay it. So I went to his apartment to ask him why he wasn’t paying his rent. (this is repetitive and feels like you're trying to pad out the story)", etc. Formatting: Dialogue should be spaced out so two speakers are never on the same paragraph: "He said “Hey Drew i’m gonna be leaving for a while, so please don’t get mad at me if I don’t pay my rent on time.” He sighed “I can pay all of it when I get back.” I thought to myself “I can do that for him.”" This is commonly done to improve story flow and prevent misattribution. Plot issues: There is a lot of bland description here that weakens the overall story. "he started shoving the sharp end into his wrist! Blood was everywhere", "The laptop then blacked out and turned back on to the video, It was the same as the first time I watched it.", etc. More detail is needed to effectively deliver the plot. As it currently stands, it feels very rushed (more on that below) and lacks engaging material. Plot issues cont: Pacing issues. A lot of the story feels like a checklist with very little time spent building the scene or engaging the audience ("I did this, then I did this. I then ..."). Take these two lines for example: "I watched the video again. It was still me, killing myself. The doorbell rang, I went to go answer it" and "I finally came to my senses and decided to call 911. The phone rang and I told them that I found a suicide victim. I decided to stay outside of the apartment until the police came." This lack of build-up, what the character is experiencing in that moment (How does seeing their suicide impact them, what are they feeling during this traumatic event, etc?), or description makes the story feel very stilted. There are other issues here, but I think this is enough to convey the amount of work your story needs. You made minimal changes (overlooking most of the issues I listed) and re-uploaded your story which resulted in me taking it down and issuing a warning against re-uploading pages, which is also against our site rules. I'm going to suggest you use the writer's workshop for your next story as looking over your most recent story, I'm seeing a lot of similar issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 19:47, September 24, 2019 (UTC)